Happy October.
My first visit to Boston was during this first week in October 2009. It is when I felt the crisp autumn air for the first time, discovered the North End, walked to the harbor and saw the Red Sox play. I had never seen a city so alive and felt the energy of the season humming in my cells. This is when I decided I would move out here. I knew one person and the rest, I took a leap, and it had/has changed my life.
It wasn’t the first time my life took a dramatic turn. The first time I felt the earth shift beneath me was on October 4th 1991. My life irretrievably changed that day because it was the day my mother died. I officially became an orphan to society and I internalized what that meant- that I was alone in the world. I made decisions that day that have carried me forward throughout life.
My mom passed away from breast cancer that had metastasized to her bones and liver. I held her in ICU, watched the monitor as her breathing ceased and her heart kept going. Her heart was always so full and alive. I got to say goodbye, I got to say it was okay for her to go, and there was no need to keep suffering. She said she was sorry to leave me. I was 13 years old when she died, but her journey with cancer, our journey, began when I was 8 years old. Just a year younger than my son right now. She passed at the age of 47, 3 years older than I am currently.
I remember being on a swing in a park that night. My choice was to go to my best friend’s house after she had passed. I looked up at the sky, bright stars of the desert and asked myself what was I doing with my life. I was angry, I ran with the wrong crowd, and was not making the best decisions for myself at this time. I decided in that moment that my mom did not live her life for me to be running head first down the wrong path and my life held purpose. I decided I would make her proud, I would do better, be better and walk in my life differently from that moment on.
And I did.
I watched cancer mutate and destroy my mom’s body for 5 long years. I had to grow up fast. I was 8 years old when my mom had her mastectomy, I sat with her during her infusions in cold sterile rooms (this was the late 80s), I watched her get sick from chemo, and eventually her hair fell out. By 12 years old, I was changing bedpans, fixing food, grocery shopping, and paying bills. Our neighbor would take me once a week to take care of the groceries and pay bills. My mom required total care, and it was just the two of us. Eventually she was unable to walk and I was too small carry her and so I would wheel her outside to bathe her.
I learned how to help manage her pain, I learned how to make castor packs and rub her abdomen with oil. How to massage her back and pull her legs. Her pain taught me the healing power of touch. I learned that pain is the body’s way of communicating to you when words fail. I used to lay on the floor next to my mom at night praying for healing hands to cure her.
My mom’s journey and passing was both my initiation and rebirth. All of her, including her illness and death, created the self— the Healer you see now. My path was not straight and it has taken a lot of stretching and healing to arrive here. It has taken vulnerability with myself and with you. It is why I practice hands on and stay present in the room for the whole session instead of placing the needles in and leaving. So much energy is passed during our time together.
My work continues to evolve and deepen. Every year that passes I am more attuned.
The month of October is breast cancer awareness month. It is also a month that holds many of my greatest shifts in life. It is also the month that I returned here full time in Boston last year.
To honor this month, I am going to share stories about my mom. She instilled things like how to walk with integrity, show up, be accountable, and come from a place of compassion. In her short time on earth she did her best to show me how to live. She packed a lot of mothering in in our time together, I am so grateful I had the time I did with her.
If you are interested in some of the specials I am planning to offer this month please reach out.
As always, I am grateful to be connected with each of you, you teach me to how to serve and accompany. You make me a better person and Healer.
Thank you.
